Happiness, Health, Wisdom and Wealth ^™

So, how does one develop a will power workout? Well, much the same a physical fitness program. The first step is to assess the current level of fitness. One way to approach such an inventory would be to make two lists; one list comprised of the hardest acts of will power you have accomplished so far, and the other a list of the easiest things you have so far failed to do. This should give you a fairly clear picture of where you are now. Your task is to create exercises that will gradually increase in difficulty from what you can already do the easiest to what you have not been able to do.

How does one go about creating the exercises? In weight lifting you would start by deciding which muscles needed the most work and developing a plan to maintain the fitness of muscles that are already fairly well developed and to target the muscles that are less well developed. It is much the same with will power. All our will power muscles have not developed equally. The person who has developed the will power to perform before a large audience may not have the will power to rappel off a 100 foot high cliff. So we want to choose an area of general weakness to target. We do not, at this juncture, want to augment an already well developed area. It is important that we be well rounded in will power. Just as an athlete needs to be well rounded in physical development. The tests we confront in sports or life come in a wide variety of forms and our goal is to be prepared for all of them.

Once we have chosen the areas of our will power to develop we assess those areas and design exercises for each. Different areas may require different approaches. There are no right or wrong answers, only useful and less useful for a particular situation. Studying the individual situation to discover its nature and how it is stressed will be rewarded by more effective workouts. Let’s go through several examples.

Let’s start with the example of rappelling the 100 foot cliff. This example, like many, involves fear. So we should diverge for a moment to discuss the nature of fear. Fear is a word that is used to describe several different and unrelated conditions. These include: a reaction to adrenaline, being startled, legitimate concern for ones safety, phobias, and slightly focused anxieties. The adrenaline reaction may be the most common and the least understood. When you are placed in an unfamiliar circumstance that has possible undesirable consequences your body releases adrenaline into your blood stream. This chemical heightens the senses, decreases reaction time, increases physical power, creates a queasy feeling in the stomach, produces a dry mouth, and causes trembling. This reaction is natural and is designed to help us deal more effectively with physical challenges. It is inappropriate to label these symptoms as ‘fear’. It is merely a chemical reaction. If you were to sit in your favorite chair, in a secure environment, and inject yourself with adrenaline you would experience exactly the same reaction. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real, it just isn’t fear. Many ‘fears’ one tries to overcome are really a matter of learning how to deal with adrenaline. The first step in learning to deal with adrenaline is to recognize it for what it is and to not blame yourself for the feeling. The second step is to look to what is causing the adrenaline release and try to make a cool, dispassionate decision about the nature of the ‘threat’. This is better done before the reaction if possible.

This brings us back to our cliff. It may be that such a ‘fear’ can be overcome almost immediately if the adrenaline reaction is understood and anticipated. Study the situation ahead of time. Learn how the rope is anchored, learn the strength of the rope, and learn what additional safety measures are being taken. Then make a reasoned decision about the how concerned you should be for your safety. Think through what might go wrong and make a plan to deal with it. Consult a trusted expert and frankly discuss your concerns. After this investigation most people would conclude that this activity does not represent an actual threat to their safety. Then, begin to anticipate the adrenaline reaction itself; recognize that your decision that this is a safe activity will not prevent the release of adrenaline. Imagine yourself in the circumstance, imagine feeling the reaction, hear yourself telling yourself that you have decided that this activity is safe and a chemical in your blood doesn’t change that, see yourself continuing the activity despite the adrenaline. For many people, this alone will allow them to successfully rappel the cliff. For some, particularly those who are biologically predisposed to exceptionally strong adrenaline reactions, more preparation may be necessary. If you are one of these people it is important to recognize that you are not weaker or more cowardly than others but that you are not prepared to deal with the amount of adrenaline your body secrets in this circumstance.

If the preceding strategy is insufficient then a development of additional will power is necessary. This is probably a result of what many call ‘fear of heights’ but what is more properly called an unusually strong adrenaline reaction in the presence of heights. To develop the will power to overcome this we develop a program of gradual adjustment. Start by identifying the highest point you can comfortably deal with, if that’s only a couple of feet of the ground; that’s fine. Practice going over the edge and assuming a correct rappel position (we won’t go into detail here, this is not a rappelling course) even if you are only a foot off the ground. Learn how the harness and ropes feel, bounce, test, get used to it. Once you are comfortable with the unusual positions and the new equipment; raise the height to a height with which you are slightly uncomfortable. Repeat the exercise until this height is comfortable. Then raise the height enough to trigger a slight adrenaline reaction and repeat the exercise. It is important to recognize at this point the adrenaline reaction may never be eliminated. Indeed, that is not the goal. The goal is to moderate our reaction to the adrenaline so that we may do what we have rationally decided to do even though the adrenaline is present. We now simply continue this process, moving to higher and higher rappels, gaining more and more confidence in our ability to use our will power to overcome our adrenaline reaction until we can rappel our 100 foot cliff.

Having successfully completed this exercise will have several effects. It will of course have increased our will power to the point where we were able to accomplish the task we had set out for ourselves. It would also have increased our ability to use our will power to overcome an adrenaline reaction in many, though possibly not all, other, unrelated, circumstances. It would also increase our confidence that by training we can learn to increase our will power and give us hope that we can ultimately develop as much will power as we’d like. Increasing hope of success is important because the effort we put into anything tends to depend in part on our hope. No hope equals no effort.

Let’s look at another example; performing before a large audience. According to the Gallup organization a majority of Americans are more afraid of public speaking than anything else, including death. In addition to public speaking we will consider acting, performing music, and athletics as performances before large audiences. There have been students who were too afraid to walk across the stage at graduation. This is another example of ‘fear’ that might be more properly called an unusually strong adrenaline reaction when before a large audience. Like our example of rappelling it would be best to start by making a rational decision about the risk involved. This may be a bit more complicated than in the rappelling example. When rappelling the fear is pretty easy to identify. In performing it may be more difficult. Are you afraid of failure? Afraid of embarrassment? Afraid of appearing foolish? Afraid of losing control? Afraid of being judged? Afraid of making a mistake? Afraid of showing your weaknesses? Afraid of going ‘blank’? Once the ‘fear’ is identified we can start to examine it rationally.

Let’s take a ‘fear’ of making a mistake. Is it likely that you’ll make a mistake? Yes, it’s very likely. Is it likely that making a mistake will in any way negatively impact your life? No, that’s very unlikely. Imagine the worst case. What would be the likely result? Everyone who spends anytime at all in front of audiences has made lots of public mistakes. If this were something you were afraid of you might make a list of ‘famous bloopers’. Big mistakes famous people have made on stage and through research find out just how little negative effect it had. In fact, it wouldn’t be surprising if most people in that situation reported that their mistake actually helped them in the long run. Will people even notice your mistake? Usually the person performing is enough more accomplished that those in the audience don’t even notice what appear to the performer to be big mistakes.

Once the ‘fear’ has been identified a plan can be devised to develop the will power to accomplish it. One approach would be to start by making presentations in non-threatening venues. Even the most terrified performer can usually summon the will power to perform in front of a kindergarten class. From there you could go to a higher grade level. Then maybe a retirement home. Spend time getting used to performing before larger and larger friendly audiences. Then maybe try a small part in a larger production before a more typical audience. Then increase the size of the part bit by bit. Again, the goal here is not to eliminate ‘stage fright’. Even the most seasoned performers still get stage fright. The goal is to develop the will power to perform, and perform well, despite stage fright.

Let’s look at a more personal example. A great many people have trouble asking someone out on a date. For most of them they are afraid of rejection. How can one find the will power to deal with this? Well, again, analyze the problem. Is rejection such a bad thing? Talk to more experienced people and see how they cope with this rejection. Think about what rejection actually means. Have famous people ever been rejected? Is there anyone who would reject a date with your favorite movie star? Of course there is. No one is right for everyone, so unless someone is very lucky they will certainly be rejected by someone. People have found clever ways to reverse the rejection. A well-known writer set as her goal to cover a wall in her home with rejection notices from publishers. A young man, uncomfortable with rejection, set a goal of getting one hundred rejections to dating invitations. This changed his perception, which changed his demeanor, which made getting rejected much more difficult. Interesting. Another young man developed his will power by going to dances at a college fifty miles from the college he attended. Using an assumed name he gained confidence by knowing he could return to his own college and no one would know if he failed. After developing his will power this way, he was able to become strong enough to develop a social life on his own campus.

How do you develop the will power to do everyday tasks necessary to success? Studying. Homework. Practice. Exercise. Let’s look at exercise first. As in all our examples, the first step is to analyze the problem. Why are you having trouble exercising? Muscle soreness? Discomfort? Don’t like doing it? Developing will power to exercise is usually helped by starting slowly, particularly in the areas most keeping you from succeeding. Most people start exercise programs by jumping into a full program immediately. This is a sure recipe for a failure of will power. Lifting too much weight to soon, in more ways than one. Let’s say you want to run for thirty minutes three days a week. You might start with walking; but only as much as you can enjoy. If that means a two minute walk down the block and back, that’s fine. Then gradually increase the time, being sure to not increase it any more quickly than your will power can sustain. There is an important principle to keep in mind here that is frequently people’s downfall in developing will power. Will power, like a muscle, tires from over use. If you set out to do something regularly, like taking a walk, that requires a lot of will power each day, it is more likely to break your will power than to build it. It is crucial that you design your tasks so that they require only a bit more will power than is comfortable. Build your will power like a muscle, slowly and carefully. If it takes a year to increase from a two minute walk to a thirty minute run, so what! Getting what you want, slowly, is way better than not getting what you want ever. Don’t rush it. Don’t hesitate to creatively trick yourself. One regular weightlifter was having unusual difficulty getting motivated to go to the gym every day. He made a deal with himself. He could skip working out any day he wanted to but he had to drive to the gym and sit in the parking lot for the time he would usually workout. Having the will power to drive to the parking lot was somewhat less than that required to actually workout. He never lasted more than ten minutes in the parking lot before saying, "This is stupid, I’m going in and workout."

How about practicing? A musical instrument, or a sport, or a hobby, or painting. Again, it will help if you analyze the problem first and try to think through why you are having difficulty practicing. Just like exercise, it’s important to start slow. Remember, if it takes too much will power to do it your will power will become fatigued and so that you may succeed in the short run but fail in the long run. Only set goals that will increase the will power you need to use just a little bit. Practicing five minutes a day is better than no practice at all. Reward yourself whenever you are successful. It may mean buying yourself something special or just saying to yourself, ‘good job’, but always reward yourself.

How about doing tasks like school work? By now you’re probably seeing the pattern and this one is no different. First, break the task into smaller sections; make the sections small enough that you can perform them with only a bit more will power than you can comfortably exert. Then take a short break and reward yourself. For many people, simply changing tasks is enough of a break. You might switch from reading to writing, or writing to math. Try and create task contrast. Passive tasks mixed with active. Tasks that require concentration interspersed with those that are easy or boring. This could be a time to do your exercise or your practice playing piano. At the end of every accomplishment be sure to reward yourself. Hint: Avoid using food or calories as a reward, there is evidence that using calories as a reward is responsible for many over-eating problems. If you are trying to memorize something, the literature suggests that ‘spaced-practice’ is the best. Memorize for three to five minutes separated by fifteen to twenty minutes doing something else. This can be really easy if you watch television. Just watch your show as usual and practice during the commercials. The timing works out perfectly. It also helps if you develop additional reasons to complete your tasks. The best reasons are intrinsic reasons. Reasons of your own not those imposed from outside. You could say to yourself, “I want to do this to prove I can”; or “I want to do this just to increase my will power”; or “I want to do this because it will help me prepare for similar tasks in the future.” Research indicates that happier people tend to be more intrinsically motivated rather extrinsically (from outside) motivated. Remember to forgive yourself easily when things go wrong and to reward yourself when they go well.